Girls Just Want To Have Bums
by KlausVioletSunny
Summary: Emma is shocked to discover that Archie and Spike are letting a bum live in their house. Emma is determined to prove to her parents that it's stupid to let a stranger live with you.
1. The Bum At The Door

Emma was really happy with her life. She had a nice mother, a nice stepfather, and a wonderful baby brother. Despite the fact that Archie had Cancer, Emma was extremely happy. Lots of terrible things had happened to Emma, like a crazy father, a madman on the internet, and a friend gone wild. But now everything was perfect.  
  
Emma, Archie, Spike, and Emma were sitting at the dining table, eating dinner. All of a sudden the doorbell rang.  
  
"Emma, can you go get that?" asked Spike.  
  
"Sure," said Emma.  
  
Emma walked over to the front door and opened it. Standing in front of her was a man with a lot of holes in his clothes. He had a long beard and long hair. Emma realized that this guy was a bum, and she was wondering what he was doing at her house.  
  
"Can I help you?" asked Emma.  
  
"Yo momma and you poppa told me I could stay in this brick," said the bum.  
  
"Huh?" asked a confused Emma.  
  
"That was street talk," said the bum. "I meant to say that your mom and dad told me I could stay in your house."  
  
Emma was sure that Archie and Spike wouldn't let a bum stay in their house. She started to assume that the bum was a crazy person.  
  
"Emma, who is it?!" called Archie from the dining room.  
  
"It's a guy!" shouted Emma.  
  
Spike and Archie walked over to the front door. They looked at the bum and smiled.  
  
"Come in, Mr. Dooble," said Archie and Spike.  
  
The bum, or Mr. Dooble, entered the house and took a seat on the couch. Now Emma thought that the bum wasn't the only crazy one.  
  
"Who is this guy?" asked Emma.  
  
"His name is Mr. Dooble," said Archie. "His first name is Jeff. Spike and I met him on the street. We felt nice that day, so we asked him if he would like to stay in our house for the rest of his life. He said yes."  
  
Emma gasped. Her mother and stepfather were definitely crazy.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Emma," said Jeff. "And by the way, call me Jeff. Don't call me Mr. Dooble. It makes me sound like a bum."  
  
'But you are a bum!' thought Emma.  
  
"Jeff, you will be staying in the guest room," said Spike. "Except it'll no longer be the guest room since you'll be staying her forever!"  
  
"Oh Emma, I forgot to tell you," began Archie. "Your math teacher ran away, so Jeff will be substituting for her until she comes back. Yup, you'll get to see him everyday!"  
  
"What?!" asked Emma. "I'm gonna faint."  
  
She didn't faint.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	2. Who Needs Math?

School had just started, and Emma was walking to math class. Math class was usually her favorite part of the day. But since Jeff was the teacher, it had become her least favorite part of the day. As she walked to math class, she passed Sean and the new kid Kelly.  
  
"All the girls think I'm hot!" shouted Sean.  
  
"Yeah, they might think that," said Kelly. "But you're a devil on the inside!"  
  
Emma didn't care what they were fighting about. All she cared about was Jeff. Emma had always hated bums. They were always asking her for money, and she worried that they might mug her someday. As Emma walked into math class, she noticed that Jeff hadn't arrived yet. Emma sat in her seat, and waited for him to come.  
  
In five minutes, Jeff finally entered the room. Jeff explained to the class that he was a bum, and he was temporarily the substitute. He also talked about how he was staying at Emma's house, and that her parents were really nice. Everyone seemed to like him. Everyone except Emma.  
  
Math class seemed to take forever. Jeff talked to the class about life as a bum instead of math problems. Emma was furious. When math class finally ended, she ran out of the classroom and headed for home. But before she reached the exit, JT and Toby ran up to her.  
  
"Hey Emma!" said JT.  
  
"What?" asked Emma.  
  
Emma noticed that Toby was just standing there, looking like he was hypnotized. Emma wondered what he was thinking.  
  
'I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!' thought Toby.  
  
"Toby and I really liked Jeff, and we wanted to tell you that you're really lucky to have him staying in your house. Do you think we could come visit Jeff at your house someday?"  
  
'Maybe if I visit Emma to see Jeff, we'll accidentally get locked in a closet together!' thought Toby.  
  
"JEFF IS A BUM!" shouted Emma. "What is wrong with you? He'll probably try to steal your money or kidnap you!"  
  
'I wouldn't mind being kidnapped with Emma.,' thought Toby.  
  
Emma screamed and ran outside. She passed Paige and a girl named Jill.  
  
"Whoa, what's her problem?" Emma heard Paige ask.  
  
"I don't know," replied Jill. "But I bet it has something to do with Sean."  
  
When Emma finally reached home, she ran directly to her room and took out some lip gloss. Lip gloss always relaxed her. She started to put on the lip gloss until she smelled a terrible smell. The smell of a bum.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	3. Bums Love Lip Gloss

Emma had several unwritten rules. One of them was to care for any endangered animal you find. Another one was that if your friend wears a thong, they're not your friend anymore. One of the most important ones was anyone who uses her lip gloss shall suffer a horrible fate.  
  
Emma just stood there staring at her lip gloss until Jeff came home. Jeff knocked on her bedroom door and asked if he could come in.  
  
"Yes.," mumbled Emma.  
  
Jeff entered the room.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Jeff.  
  
"You know what's wrong!" shouted Emma.  
  
"Nope, I don't know what's wrong," replied Jeff.  
  
"YOU USED MY LIP GLOSS!" Emma shouted at the top of her lungs. "MY LIP GLOSS IS THE ONLY THING THAT UNDERSTANDS ME!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Emma," said Jeff. "I guess I should've asked your permission first. You see, bums love lip gloss. Lip gloss always used to fall from girls' purses when they were walking down the street. When a bums' lip got all icky, we would use the lip gloss to make our lips feel better. And it also makes a great snack when you have a case of the munchies.  
  
Emma just stood there. It appeared as if everyone on Earth was an idiot except her.  
  
"Listen up, Jeff," said Emma. "I have an unwritten list of rules! One of them is to care for all endangered animals. Another one is to not be friends with anyone who wears a thong! And one of the most important rules is to not use my lip gloss!"  
  
"Hey, didn't I read about those rules somewhere?" asked Jeff. "It was at the beginning of this chapter about a girl.,"  
  
"AHH!" shouted Emma.  
  
All of a sudden, a teenage girl appeared at the window. She climbed into the room and put on a perky face.  
  
"Hi Jeffy!" said the girl.  
  
"Hey Loly," said Jeff.  
  
"Who is this?" asked Emma. "This is my girlfriend, Emma," said Jeff. "Even though she's a teenager, we still have a nice relationship!"  
  
Emma screamed again.  
  
"Be nice Emma," said Loly. "I came here all the way from Newfoundland. That's far away."  
  
"Why would you date a bum?" asked Emma.  
  
"Well, after that dumb A.J. dumped me, I looked for any guy coming my way. Jeff was the first guy I found. Now my friend Chelsea is dating A.J. and that won't last for long, if you know what I mean," said Loly.  
  
Emma felt red. She knew that stress was coming her way. She started screaming a bunch of nonsense and things that would make people gasp.  
  
"GET OUT!" shouted Emma. "JEFF, LEAVE! TAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND TOO! YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER! OUT! OUT! OUT!"  
  
"Whoa, that sure was a lot exclamatory sentences," Loly.  
  
Emma could tell that Jeff understood her anger. He looked at her in the eye and then climbed out the window. Loly, with a confused face, followed him. After six minutes, Emma realized that Jeff was gone. He would never come back to ruin her life.  
  
Then Emma all of a sudden felt sorry for Jeff.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	4. Gone

Emma felt scared. She was taking a walk down Bum Avenue, which was where most of the bums in Degrassi could be found. A bunch of creepy bums were staring at Emma. She could tell that they were confused why a rich girl would be walking down Bum Avenue.  
  
"You're prrrty," said one of the bums.  
  
"Go away!" screamed Emma and she started running faster.  
  
Emma wanted to apologize to Jeff. She could tell that she had really hurt his feelings. Emma didn't know that Jeff could be found on Bum Avenue, but it's the most likely place he would be.  
  
Emma continued walking for a while and eventually see saw Jeff standing right next to a garbage can.  
  
"Jeff! Jeff!" shouted Emma. He turned to Emma and then put on a frown. Emma ran to him and started apologizing like crazy.  
  
"Jeff, I'm really sorry that I yelled at you and your girlfriend. I shouldn't judge you buy your clothes, or your smell, or the icky bugs in your hair," apologized Emma.  
  
"You should be sorry," said Jeff. "Just because a lot of bums are crazy doesn't mean I'm crazy. How would you feel if you were living on the streets, but then a nice family let you stay in their house. You are having a wonderful time there, but then a boy-crazy teenager kicks you out."  
  
"For your information, I am not crazy," said Emma. "I care about animals. I barely think about Sean anymore! So, um, do you wanna come back to my house? I'm not as stressed out as I was before. It took me some time to realize that you were a cool person. I guess I should've paid more attention when people say that every cloud has a silver lining,"  
  
All of a sudden, Jeff disappeared. Literally.  
  
'Whoa, how did they happen?' wondered Emma. She knew she wasn't crazy. Jeff was standing there, and then he all of a sudden was gone.  
  
When Emma got home, she ran over to Spike and Mr. Simpson and tried to explain what had happened to Jeff. Emma knew that her story was crazy, but if anyone would trust her, it would be her mother and stepfather.  
  
"Erm, Emma," mumbled Spike. "Who's Jeff?"  
  
"You know, Mom," said Emma. "Jeff! The bum who you let stay in her house for the rest of our life. What's wrong with you?"  
  
"The real question is, what's wrong with you?" said Mr. Simpson. "Why would let a bum stay in our house. Besides, I don't know a Jeff."  
  
Emma was really confused. Were they crazy? Emma quickly ran upstairs and called Manny.  
  
"Hello?" asked Manny on the phone.  
  
"This is Emma!" said Emma. "Do you remember Jeff? He was that bum who was staying in my house. And he was our math substitute teacher because our real math teacher ran away!"  
  
"Emma," said Manny. "Maybe the animals you've tried to save have ruined your brain. Our math teacher has never ran away, and she never will."  
  
"But he bought you a thong!" cried Emma.  
  
"I haven't gotten a new thong in a month, thank you very much," said Manny. Then she hung up.  
  
Emma tried calling a bunch of other people who loved Jeff. JT, Toby, Paige, Ashley, Jimmy, and many more. Nobody knew who Jeff was. Emma knew she wasn't insane. To help herself relax, Emma started to put on some lip gloss. But right as she started to put it on, she smelled something. It was a terrible odor. It was the smell of a bum.  
  
THE END 


End file.
